You have…

A horrible attention span and are easily distracted.

It’s recently come to my attention that I tend to have these episodes of uncertainty. Like what am I doing with my time? And what do I want anymore? Sometimes I lose myself and just succumb to the uncertainty and disregard everything I’ve ever cared for. I’ve been slowly letting myself go, being so selfish and wasting away in my ambitions to treat people the way they should be treated, while they’re oblivious to my inner controversies with the mere desire to love and be loved in return… I’ve been having these internal battles, growing easily impatient and unattentive to people and my responsibilities… I feel like I’ve been on autopilot internally and externally. Time to switch back to manual. I need to start trying again… With you, with myself, with life.

I never work for what I really want… Happiness. I’m just a soulless being. Blind and unseeing… I feel like I need to venture off into the wild and actually, no. I think I need the opposite. I think the majority of my life away rather than act on my noggin’s behalf. What’s the point of thinking when you won’t vocalize your thoughts and turn them into reality? I’ve been living in a dream world and look where my life’s gone since then… Here I am, thinking again. Isn’t there a lever of some sort to which I can get the gears going?

scribin’ out my ideals. Or a spontaneous escapade to somewhere blossoming with greenery. But since I’m lacking a keyboard, any form of dough, or spontaneity, I have to resort to my cob-webbed diary…. I’m such an emotional freak. While spiraling deeper and deeper into a vortex of social depravity, I’ve seemed to have lost a crucial part of myself - happiness.

I feel like curling up into a ball and crying. And I’m not even on my period.